I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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