am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize