You smell like stripper and shame
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
