There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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