He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
she looked like the before picture.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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