Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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