I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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