I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
