my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
