how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
