I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
