Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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