Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
