from now on my penis is your penis
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
