wakey wakey hands off snakey
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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