i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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