your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
