WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
