Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize