I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Randomize
