When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
