How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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