I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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