you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize