Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
You need Xanax blowdarts
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
