Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
how drunk are you?
Several
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
