Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
