So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Randomize
