I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize