The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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