It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
