xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
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