in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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