the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
