I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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