This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
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