Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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