hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
