So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
