Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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