im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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