dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
