I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
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