last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
