If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
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