Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
