Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I just cut my nipple shaving
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Randomize
