Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
