I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Randomize
