I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
