At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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