someone get that fucking seahorse.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Randomize
