We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
