To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
