sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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