i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
