New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
