the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
