had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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