FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
