Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
