I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize