She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
