it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
