I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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