she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize