On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
smell my finger.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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