My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
