he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Randomize
