I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
