worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize