I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
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