just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
