"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
