My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
