i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
