No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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