Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I want to be your penis for a week.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
