Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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