I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize